Just Some Thoughts-My Work History

Well, we have hit the last month of summer…students and teachers will be heading back to school, fall will be starting, time to look forward to Halloween and the holiday season approaching us…I will say I am going to miss summer a little bit…

I was working part time for the duration of the year after I was off on a medical and I really took time to myself to do what I wanted to do, go where I wanted to go and just decompress. I had been working straight medical jobs since 2012 and to say the least, it hadn’t been easy on me. During that time I lost not only my Papa but my brother as well and it took a huge toll on me while trying to balance the grief and my budding career was not easy and eventually, I did snap.

I left the job I had been at for four years to take my chance on working for a medical billing company. The job I had been doing prior to that was really affecting my health both mentally and physically. At that time I was not on medication and I was truly suffering…there would be times I would be on a phone conference and have to mute the phone because I would be dry heaving into the trash can because of all the stress that had come down on me. Even hearing a person’s voice who was my superior would make me sick to my stomach and filled with anxiety. I remember one night texting my friend and telling her that my heart felt so weak that I thought it may just stop and never start back up again. My life was a living hell. The breaking point for me was coming home one night very late after work and just laying on the living room floor and sobbing just wishing I would drop dead. Wishing and plotting how I could end my life…of course these were just horrible negative thoughts, I knew I wanted to live and would never do that. It was just a horrible state of mind I was in causing me to feel that pain inside. I never thought I could leave that job and support myself. I had no idea what I was doing or how I was going to do it, and I was on the verge of talking to my parents about how I was feeling and what options they could advise me so I could attempt to get out of the hell I was working in.

Salvation came in the form of an Indeed.com posting for a small medical billing company. I had submitted my resume and was called right around the New Year of 2017, just short of my 28th birthday. I kind of went back and forth on going to the job interview for a few days because I was dreading the pay cut I would inevitably have to take as well as starting over again…but something pushed me in the right way and I went to the interview and got hired within an hour after the interview was finished. I was so happy that I put in my two weeks notice right then and there, hoping that I could put the nightmare behind me once and for all.

I finally started my new job in January of 2017 and I was so happy and excited. I dressed up every day and took the time to put on makeup, I wanted to look at feel my very best. I even sought out treatment for my depression and was feeling good and ready to rumble. However, it took me some time to get fully immersed in my new position as a database entry gal. I just never felt fully comfortable there. I will leave out details as I don’t want to put anything out there to make the company feel as though I am unaware of the privileges and knowledge I learned there.

As time went on the honeymoon feeling of my new job came down crashing. I stopped feeling good and confident about my work. I started to become depressed again and was doing things that I shouldn’t be doing, like coming into work late, not dressing up or looking presentable, I just wasn’t happy again. The stress and boredom of the job was getting to me. I felt very isolated there….finally, I snapped. I went to my psychiatrist who had been treating me for some time and he put me off of work on a medical. The medical was to last two weeks and I knew from day one that I wasn’t going back. I just couldn’t…

I resigned from the job and it was accepted. I made sure not to burn any bridges as I respected the company and its staff enough to never do such a thing. I still remain friendly with some of my ex coworkers today.

After my medical was over I was invited to come work part time for a friend who needed some help with medical billing at her office. I couldn’t have been more grateful as it came at a time in my life where I still needed money to live off of but I could still kick back, travel and get to know myself better. Unfortunately, the job just wasn’t cutting it the way I had hoped and I had to move on for the better, to not only make more money but to build my career and add diversity to my resume.

Now, I am working for a specialty drug pharmacy doing medical billing and verifying insurance which I have never done before. I am super anxious and nervous that I will not be able to do my job or understand it as well as I hope, but it is only the first week. I tend to worry a lot as you may be able to tell! I just want to be the best at everything I do and at the same time, I know that is not realistic.

I am going to keep on fighting the good fight and just keep trying my best. Not only with work but my businesses as well. I am very much looking forward to finishing out this year and seeing what the new year will bring to me. I know its thinking ahead but that ‘s my way.

I hope you enjoyed this brief history of me and learned a thing or two.

Until next time, xoxoxoxoxox

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